You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
