I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
They have beer where we have blood.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
