I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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