omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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