Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
