hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
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going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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