So drunk its hurt
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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