Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
