Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
