You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
