i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
