does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
