I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
