Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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