If i come over, it means nothing
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
