Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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