i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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