Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
