Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
