Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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