Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
