I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
