You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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