Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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