WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
