i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
