Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
