Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
