somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize