i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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