i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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