very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
