If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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