He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
