He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
