theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
