Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
