i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We need to get me chipped asap
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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