Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
