if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
