Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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