clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
