There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
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She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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