I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
