I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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