Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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