Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
