I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
