Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dick very happy bro
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
