so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
