Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
