I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
