Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
