i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
