last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
