shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
