You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
