singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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