I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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