ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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