Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
