is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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